Blog entry for:

in sharing our recovery with others, i come to value it all the more. guess what, i am human after all. i am fading the heat for a series of poor decisions i made a few days back, and although i do not like the consequences, quite honestly, if i was in the same situation i would probably act the same again. i would probably be more circumspect and i might actually call my sponsor, instead of acting on my passion. but none of that excuse the fact that i acted and the fallout was more than i expected at that time. had i considered what i was doing however, what happened would have totally predictable. this whole feeling gig, and knowing for the most part, what the next right thing to do, is difficult for me. i want to run from my passions. i want to hide from my feelings and i want the outcomes to be what i want them to be RIGHT NOW! it sucks being me today, but although this cannot be fixed except by time travel, i can work towards amending my behavior. the ironic part is the person i hurt the most in collateral damage, is the person i hate to hurt at all.
why i am writing all of that instead of moving on with the topic at hand is beyond me. i guess it is because of what the reading speaks about, maintaining my gift of recovery. i often tell the men i sponsor that to pause between steps 3 and 4, is not a good ides, and yet here i am doing the exact same thing. i know that i am changing. i know that i need to look at that change through the process of the steps, and yet i am letting myself get caught up in the lives of others once again, instead focusing on what i need to focus on, myself.
where do i go from here?
well, down to the office for now after a shower etc, for a full day worth of work, then home to clean up my projects from last weekend and before that are languishing on my desk. o yeah, and perhaps even some time to clean-up the messes i have created, who knows. for right now, i will surrender, i will allow a POWER that is greater than me to guide my actions and most of all i will do my best to separate out what is mine from the rest of the pile that is my life. i do have the technology available to do so.

∞ DT ∞