Blog entry for:

maintenance of my recovery is not something i even have to think about, on most days. being such a slave to routine, bordering on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, means that i auto-magically just do what i need to do to keep my recovery working. i am often put-off by the notion that somehow my recovery is “GOD given,” when it was not GOD who did the work to get to this place in my life. over and over again, i run up against this “divine” wall and when i do, sparks fly. once upon a time it was because i banged my hard head against the wall, trying to get my notions of a spiritual path, through to the other side. nowadays, it is just that once again, i have to make an accommodation to what the majority of my peers seem to believe and accept that is just the way it is, grudgingly and with a bit of fussing and pouting. 😡
what i can say, is that i do see my recovery as a gift. one that i had the opportunity to embrace a minute ago and one that i choose to accept today, just for today. unlike some of those folks who are part of my life, i actually “listen” to what is being said to me and about me and for the most part am not stuck on the hamster wheel of needing to give and seek approval. my love is not measured or doled out by “likes” and comments on social media. my love is shown by doing the next right thing, for no reason at all. explaining to those who are caught in the “stroke” trap is like trying to sing an aria in a hurricane force wind. no matter how well i may sing, the beauty of my act is lost in the howl of the gale. one of the gifts that the gift of recovery continues to provide is the idea that i, irrespective of what others may think, am worthy of being respected, even if it is only by myself. day in and day out that confidence grows, as i maintain the source of that truth -- MY LIFE IN ACTIVE RECOVERY --!
as i approach the end of this, it is certainly a gift of the POWER that fuels my recovery, to have the ability to stay clean, today. what i do with that power, well that is a rabbit-hole i get to explore, each and every day by accepting that power. today that means building something i can show my peers at work and attempting to run a half mile or so. it has been six days since i tripped and for the first time, since that incident, i felt no pain as a swung my leg off the bed and proceeded to stand. of course the addict inside wants to attempt several miles, but listening to my body, instead of my head., is a far more prudent course, at least in this instance, just for today.

∞ DT ∞