Blog entry for:

whether it is the one that is projecting intimidation, righteousness, innocence, or invisibility. hiding in plain sight and walking around as if i was someone else, was a very learned and practiced behavior when i walked into the rooms. i really did not think anyone “got me.” the more i hung out and actually listened to what was being said, by my peers, the more i begin to wonder if i could be mistaken and they might possibly understand what it is to live in my skin. i did not shed my personas right away, as i was still less than trusting about the motives of my peers, based on how i lived in active addiction. what i discovered was, however, that as i opened up, i was actually developing the ability to understand what they were going through.
these days, i am all about allowing others to see who i am and allowing them the freedom to reveal what they need to reveal, when they are ready. i let them know, by sharing my own experience, what it was like to be new, to have “issues” and to be afraid to allow others to see me as i was. more than once, one of my less than scrupulous peers may have shared an unpleasant fact about me, but that made me stronger. having to answer honestly to a query about what someone “heard” tuaght me the value of being circumspect about what i share about others. i may throw a judgement about those around me on a daily basis, but i remember and know how it feels to be judged, fairly or not, and have learned to keep those between my ears. so on that thought i will wrap this up and get the dawg out for a bit of a damp and dreary walk.

∞ DT ∞