Blog entry for:

extended warranty on my recovery, it is my responsibility to maintain that gift? as i was talking with a friend and peer yesterday, they commented on how well i seemed to integrate the maintenance part or recovery, especially the daily inventory bit, into my life. i really did not think twice about that comment, except to say that i like the positive consequences, especially the way that daily task allows me to fall asleep quickly and sleep soundly through the night. i see my daily session of meditating as more beneficial to my ongoing recovery and see the TENTH STEP as a mere appendage to day. thinking about the reading and how i squeeze my day between the bookends of these two steps, i guess i can say that they are both essential parts of how i do this gig, and allow me to move ever closer to another day clean. even when i traipse down the “accidental” recovering addict path, i can see that CHOOSING to implement these daily steps does have a payoff for me. i am at a loss why i “got” the desire to allow these steps to be part of my life, when so many of my peers choose not to do so.
moving on from patting myself on my back, what i also heard this morning was a bit of concern about the “walking wounded” and the “missing in action” peers. i can go down all sorts of different rabbit holes about why they are not around and the mistakes they made, but the facts are that i do not know why they choose to be absent from the rooms and seemingly lost. what i do know, that i could be one among them quite easily. i am far from free from resentments against those who call me their peer and certainly am not without blemish when it comes to be more than a little bit on the “shady” side of life. when it gets down the whys and wherefores, i can say that my dedication to the proposition of maintaining and taking responsibility for my recovery, is more than likely the reason i am still clean today, whether or not my arrival was part of some divine plan, driven by my denied desperation or just a set of unfortunate coincidences. today I GET to sit and write this as my Fantasy team is getting hammered, the home team goes Zero and Three and my mouth and feet are both causing more than a little pain and anguish. no matter what, at least for right now, it is still a good day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞