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for my recovery and the best way i know how to do that is to follow the recommended maintenance plan outlined in the literature of the fellowship that is my recover home. whew, that was certainly not the most direct means to get here. i have commented in the past about both the car analogy and the notion that recovery is a gift, that needs to be given away. as a result, i think i will move along.
yes, i am one of those who actually does most of the recommended stuff on a daily basis. whether it is because i am OCD, driven by habit and ritual or because i actually see value in doing that it does not matter, i just do it and any further commenting on what i do every day, is probably bragging, this morning. the fact is, i am clean today and whether or not it is because i follow a fairly strict routine, or GOD's will, really does not matter.
the biggest obstacle i see in this reading, at least for me, is the “giving it away” part. it is not that i resist giving what i have away, it is just that i am so socially awkward and retarded that the opportunity to do so, does not p[resent itself in my life, or at least that used to be the case. when i started this journey through the steps, i defined my role in the fellowship as someone who served on committees and did very little direct service with my fellow members. the lie i told myself, call it justification or rationalization, but it is still a lie, was that i was giving it away by participating in those various levels of service, and because i was, more addicts were getting the benefit of my recovery, than the few newcomers i might bump into, in my local meetings. i was carrying the message through service committees and that was certainly the best way for this addict to go. as i become less inept ion social situations and start to develop my identity as a member and not some service phreak, i see that i still may not swarm on every newcomer who enters the room, but i GET to give away what has been given to me, through the various ways i now serve my fellowship and through the men who choose to allow me to sponsor them. i do not have to overthink or explain away what is happening, but the fact is, as i grow up in my recovery, i am learning what it means to be a part of, instead of a mere spectator, in my local fellowship. i GET to give it away and i need to not force it down anyone's throat.
what does that mean today, after all, the past is history and the future a mystery, that is why one calls it the present. yeah i wanted to use that little classic since someone mentioned it on Saturday, but i seriously digress. what does that mean for me today? well i have done my AM part of daily maintenance and feel fairly spiritually fit and ready to face my day. as i think of a better analogy perhaps working out to be physically fit is a better way to look at my recovery, if i only do it some of the time, i may be healthy but far from fit. if i do it every day, i will be fit, healthy and have a fairly obvious spiritual physique. if i am lazy and allow the daily and the cyclical part to slide, i will become slothful, fat and even lazier. that notion fits better than a car, but it is all the same, the gift i have been given has value, and that value can only be enhanced by giving it away.

∞ DT ∞