Blog entry for:

and i want to keep it.
i hate automobile analogies, nuff said time to move on.
what i do like about this reading, or perhaps more accurately put, the part of this reading that caused a favorable emotional response from within me, was the part about recovery is a gift that comes with two very important strings:

1. routine maintenance is required.
2. i have to give it away, in order to keep it.

understanding those two concepts was very difficult for me, for at least the first thirteen months of my abstinence and my entrance into the personal experience of accepting some responsibility for my recovery. when i look back at seventeen years ago, and realize where i was at this time, it is utterly amazing that i am still here. i am certain, that those who judge, and there were some back in those days, as well as some in the here and now, were quite certain that i would not last in recovery. i had all the symptoms of active addiction, and none of active recovery. i had NO desire to stay clean, no WILLINGNESS to do what it would take to stay clean, and absolutely NO HUMILITY OR HONESTY about what and who i thought i was. i was marking time, until my probation alarm went off, and i was allowed to return to a life i thought was DA BOMB. and yet, here i sit, musing about the gift of recovery and actually quite grateful that something clicked before the minimal amount of grace i brought with me into recovery was exhausted.
so today, well today i do appreciate the gift that keeps on giving, strings and all. i woke up this morning and once again made the decision not to use, just for today, and for me that means i have to take action. part of that action is seeking out places to gift my gift away, be that to another suffering addict, through direct interaction; or society in general, by not abusing the resources it offers, as i did as in active addiction. oh yeah and giving my employer their full eight hours worth of my best effort. life is good toady and i am running late so, ciao for now.

∞ DT ∞