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it is quite true, that when i arrived at the start of my journey in recovery i was spiritually dead, or at least there were very few detectable signs of a spiritual life within me. it is also quite true, that in the semi-conscious state in which i lived, i was unable to detect that anything, spiritual or otherwise was missing from within me. so i was more than a bit put off, when i came to the rooms and they kept talking about all this spiritual hocus-pocus, and how i would have to find a way into the spiritual side of me, regardless of its current state of being. i know that the first time anything about a spirit awakening is not mentioned until STEP 12, and there are those around who stick by that hard and fast. me, what i heard when i got here and what i choose to believe is that i had an awakening of my spirit, while i was still incapable of moving beyond STEP ZERO. in fact, i had to have a spiritual awakening to move into STEP ONE and get this whole recovery process rolling. without that awakening, i would have never been able to get anything that the program was offering me.
well, that train derailed, and i am clueless about where i was going with this whole spiritual awakening thing. oh yeah i remember now, as dead as my spiritual side appeared to be, way back when, it was the fellowship that nurtured it back to life through their patient care and concern. they put my feet on this path and pointed me in the correct direction. from that point forward, it was my task to continue that journey. it is my responsibility to choose the direction of MY recovery and as a result MY spiritual growth. as heinous as that once sounds to me, i would not have it any other way. so all my worry and concern about the two men i sponsor, who are currently MIA, while warranted is unnecessary, as there is nothing more i can do except pray that they are okay and leave them in the quite capable care of the POWER that fuels my recovery. the two relationships i want to restart? that too needs to wait until i finish the current writing assignment i have been given. all of this THIRD STEP coming up is certainly more than a subtle clue, that as much as i hate to say it, and i really, really do, i am right where i am supposed to be. at the end of this writing and ready to go out for a long run, before the wind really starts to crank it up.

∞ DT ∞