Blog entry for:

the open road of recovery. well here i sit this morning, debating whether or not i want to head down to work or work from home. i really do not have a good reason to work from home, except that it is going to be a very nice day, and there is a task or three i could accomplish by being in my home base, rather than driving down to the office. this pleasant little conundrum is only presented to me, because i have been on the road of recovery for a few days in a row. so the decision that is weighing on my mind of should i stay or should i go, will be consummated by the time i finish writing this little ditty.
as someone who is not very fond of recovery parrots, memes, bumper sticker and clichés; this metaphor of the recovery journey being a road, is a bit difficult to swallow. oh i get it, and a simple metaphor like this can be easily extended, it does however present a challenge in my mind, as being limited in scope. when i think of a road mi think of a narrow, well-defined improved stretch of real estate, that is coming from somewhere and going to somewhere else. in that context i am coming from active addiction and traveling to the man i have always wanted to be. recovery is the process that connects those two, and if i accept that i am on a “road,” does that imply that my recovery process is the same as everyone else's? is there any room for detours or scenic side-trips? if there is a road, where is the GPS and mobile map app to warn me of the hazards ahead? of course one can say that i am taking this a bit too far, as i am wont to do, but i am quite sure that one can see where i am going with this exercise, that recovery, at least for me, is more than a straight and narrow, well maintained stretch of pavement leading from active addiction into parts unknown. for me, sometimes i need to toss the metaphor and see what survives after my scrutiny. as i sat listening to the speaker last night, it was more than a bit distressing that his tale focused more on his days in active addiction and less on his journey since getting clean. i knew he had some clean time, and i could tell he had recovery as well, it was just his choice of content that was a bit off-putting to me, but he was not there to entertain or even educate me, as i was not the only one present. what i walked away with, was that sometimes the horrors of active addiction are worth sharing about, at great length. as i sat with my newest sponsee afterwards, i saw that what he heard was not what i heard, and that is a good thing as well.
this past week has been quite a roller-coaster ride for me, and today i am ready to say enough and just isolate in the comfort of my home. what i am starting to feel, is that may not be the brightest idea i ever had. the flashing warning sign, that is popping up on the roadside ids that i am rationalizing and justifying that decision and when i have to do that, then i more than likely need to choose the opposite path, deferring that scenic side trip for another day.
with that in mind, i do believe i will get up, shower off and head on down the highway to work. the open road of recovery? well today it leads down 287 to Interlocken and what comes along the way, may of may not be pleasantly surprising. i do know this though: if i choose not to use no matter what, i will have the opportunity to enjoy the spiritual abundance being offered to me through the POWER that fuels my recovery.

∞ DT ∞