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by applying the principles of my program: i can travel as far as i wish on the open road of recovery. there is a catch though, IF i choose to discontinue the application of what i am learning, than i start the spiral down into active addiction, EVEN IF I NEVER USE AGAIN, THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF WILL!
more than once i have seen members who were merely abstinent, wallow in their misery and pain, and whine about how awful their lives were, unwilling to do anything. i myself, have been in the same boat more than once in the course of my recovery journey, so i do know what a terrible place it is for me to be in. i cannot say what the end game for those others may be, for me, i GOT tired of the pain, the misery, the desperation and the constant nagging feeling that I KNEW how to fix everything in one swell foop! how did i bring myself back from the brink of that chasm? I DID NOT! i was brought back to safety by the loving concern of the members who knew, by the POWER that fuels my recovery and by my desire to not believe that was as good as it gets.
there are a couple of themes that are running through my life these days, the first is that working a HOPE based program, is not settling for less. i may never achieve the state of mind that is required to walk in FAITH, as i see in the lives of some of my peers and associates. until the other day, when i first wrote about it, i did not even realize that there was a difference. that was one of those things that i though was binary, either i had FAITH or i did not. i now see that FAITH, like everything else, at least in my not so humble opinion, is a continuum and not a switch. i certainly have FAITH that i can stay clean today, IF i allow the POWER that fuels my recover to do IT's work. if i stay clean today, the HOPE builds that i can do better, feel better and be better than i did yesterday, at least in a spiritual sense. taking that kernel of FAITH and the HOPE it engenders, leads me to doing the next right thing, just because it is the right thing to do, and consider my motives as an afterthought. yes, there is always a motive behind all that i do and realizing that and moving forward is not a bad thing either.
the next right thing right here and right now? take a shower and start my drive down south for my monthly trip to Cañon City to work with one of the men i am honored to be a sponsor to. it is a great day to be clean, and i certainly HOPE that i will be provided all that i need today to move forward in my recovery.

∞ DT ∞