Blog entry for:

when i got here i could not even start my day without a big juicy rationalization -- I HAD TO GET NORMAL TO FACE THE WORLD, and getting ‘normal’ for me consisted of using just a little bit of whatever to ‘take the edge off’ before my feet hit the floor in the morning.
as i progressed through recovery i found it important to learn to call things by their simple and honest names. it took away my ability to spin something into something it was not and puts things into their true perspective to at least to me. i have been calling rationalizations and justifications by their correct name for a little while now. to me they are just the lies i tell myself so i can continue doing whatever, even though i know it goes against the spiritual principles i am trying to live by.
recovery is its own reward, because i work this to the best of my ability today, i can honestly search my behaviors and the thoughts that surround them for these lies and speak them out loud to my sponsor, my closed-mouth friends or even GASP, in a meeting and that action will diminish the hold these lies have over my behavior.
i did not get as sick as i was in a single day and i cannot hope to get well in a single day either, but i can seek progress, break those old agreements i made with my disease over the years and agree to live the best i can today through a simple, honest, and spiritually based program of recovery.
∞ DT ∞