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there was once a time and it really all that long ago, when i believed that i NEEDED at least one juicy rationalization a day about my behavior since coming to recovery. after all if... were my three favorite words. well today i start my transition from what was to what will be. i am my own boss and i need to go drum-up business so i can succeed at this whole self-employment gig. much as i would love to sit around in my pajamas, drink coffee, eat potato chips and watch my entire DVD collection, i know i need to do work for the clients i currently have and go out and get some more clients to work for. i could rationalize the whole lazy scenario by telling myself it is just today, and after all I deserve to have a day to do nothing but FUCK OFF! and it is true that i do deserve a day to do absolutely nothing, but that day is not today.
it really was quite easy to slip into that rationalization after all if.... and that is amazing to me. while it is true the wolves are not howling at my door YET, nor is my girlfriend ready to kick me to the curb YET, nor are my creditors attaching their fangs to my neck to suck me dry YET, any or all of those events are possible if i allow my system of denial to kick in and take over. yes i believe GOD will provide for me, but those NEEDS will not be filled unless i get-up, show-up and do what is put in front of me. and today that is off to see those clients who actually want me to work for them. then a meeting and perhaps a soak and a movie this evening. we will see what comes about. what i can tell you is no cheetos and hogan‘s heroes for me today!

∞ DT ∞