Blog entry for:

there is little room for rationalization there.
are you ready for a REALLY BIG ONE! how about i am writing this at lunch time because i was so far behind on the bus this morning, i lacked the time to do it! well that is a lie. i did write something and between my fat fingers and the vagaries of cell connections it was lost into the ether.
what i wrote about earlier and what is still ringing in my ears is the whole rationalizations are lies i tell myself to justify what i have already done or am doing or am about to do. to rationalize and to justify, sweet sounding terms for fixing myself after the fact most of the time. my two all-timer favorites: “i am AN ADDICT AFTER ALL” AND “I AM ONLY HUMAN!”
while those are both facts of life and yes the root cause of self-centered behavior, i am better than that today, and when those words are leaving my mouth i am doing my level best to diminish my responsibility for whatever.
anyhow, i wrote a whole lot more, but now i see i need not as i have got to what i needed to think about, namely blaming my bad behavior on those facts of life is how i protect the addict within from the damage that he causes. he really does no need to be protected and as such it is up to me to own my stuff, clean-up my mess and diminish the whole blame game. most importantly it is up to me to learn to be as truthful with myself as i am with those in my life, i can OWN that today as well, and move on. it is agreat day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞