Blog entry for:

IS not as important as how i respond to those situations.
yes i made some sever alterations in the seed text i lifted and make no apologies for that. i feel as if i am ready to start a brand new inventory process and hopefully will meet with sponse tonight to move into that process, or let's be totally honest here, get his approval to move forward into STEP FOUR, actually getting started may be several days or weeks down the road.
with that in mind, i finally have arrived at what i heard this morning in my very brief dip down into the quiet. during my daily inventory last night, i uncovered what may be the source of my fear when it comes to the process of change i am undergoing in the here and now. this morning, even after meditation, it is easy for me to dismiss that as the ramblings of a too tired mind, filled with far too much stimulus from the day and all that happened. i understand that uncovering that fear and facing that fear are two entirely different acts, and i also understand that if i can dismiss it as fantasy, then i can walk away and continue to live in it, closed off from the world of recovery and the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery. you see, having STEPS 11 through 12 as part of my life, means that they get incorporated into whatever step i happen to be working in the here and now. i am on the verge of letting go the last evident price of self-will i am currently grasping tightly on to, and yes screaming all the way, that THIS IS ME, HOW DARE I THINK ANY DIFFERENT!
rebellion, is so familiar to me, that i use it to mask what it is i am really feeling. when something comes down the pike that i do nor cannot face, it is easy to revert to that eternal dark, cynical and moody teenager within and rebel with all my might. it does not matter is it is a feeling, or a spiritual principle or yes <GASP> even a FEAR, the reaction is the same rebel and throw a tantrum. where this ;leads me to this morning, is do i really want to remain a perpetual adolescent? the answer this morning is not really, BUT… ½I DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING DIFFERENT.
so it goes. i can rail against a process i have no better understanding of than i did when i first set down this path, kicking and screaming the whole way. OR i can complete my THIRD STEP by surrendering and allowing the POWER that fuels my recovery to take over the reigns and guide me to where i NEED to go. today, at least right here and right now i say OK let it be, and so it is, for right now.
busy day today so it is off to the office i go, keeping in mind that it is only because of the work i have done to date, that i have a chance to continue to grow tomorrow. all i have to do is what is in front of me todaay.

∞ DT ∞