๐ฑ automatic ๐ฑ
Posted: Thu, Sep 8, 2016 01:11:53 PM
rejection of authority, is my default behavior. at least it can be, fortunately i have worked a few steps, got some days clean and have the means to short circuit my emotional reaction from becoming an action that i need to take care of, with the corrective part of STEP 10. silly as it may sound, the first though is: “you are NOT the boss of me!”
that is not hyperbole, that thought actually goes through my head, when i consciously think. what i feel is WTF, i am going to push and push back hard. i was a rebel without a queue for quite some time, and hold patterns seem to be the toughest for me to grow out of, at least so far. honestly it has been one a day that i would have loved to avoid, at least work-wise. over the past 15 hours i have been at \"work\" for 11 of them. yeah, yeah ,yeah i know, that is why they pay me all those Washingtons, still would have been nice to have a few less hours with my headphones off and actually do some head down work. what i want and what i get is not necessarily the same thing. and yes, they really are the boss of me, dang it all.
the other authority i often rebel against, is my sponse. sometimes i think the assignments he gives me and the stuff he suggests, just will not ever work for me. did i say sometimes, i meant most of the time. as sated above old patterns are difficult to break. the nice part about this, is that i have a new pattern of living that allows me the freedom to implement new patterns to replace the ingrained ones. yes i can be rebellious if i WANT to be, but i do not NEED to be anymore, and therein lies the difference. when behavior becomes a choice, i rejoice!
i need to get some stuff done and get up and move around a bit, so just for today, i can be a rebel, but need not be one!
that is not hyperbole, that thought actually goes through my head, when i consciously think. what i feel is WTF, i am going to push and push back hard. i was a rebel without a queue for quite some time, and hold patterns seem to be the toughest for me to grow out of, at least so far. honestly it has been one a day that i would have loved to avoid, at least work-wise. over the past 15 hours i have been at \"work\" for 11 of them. yeah, yeah ,yeah i know, that is why they pay me all those Washingtons, still would have been nice to have a few less hours with my headphones off and actually do some head down work. what i want and what i get is not necessarily the same thing. and yes, they really are the boss of me, dang it all.
the other authority i often rebel against, is my sponse. sometimes i think the assignments he gives me and the stuff he suggests, just will not ever work for me. did i say sometimes, i meant most of the time. as sated above old patterns are difficult to break. the nice part about this, is that i have a new pattern of living that allows me the freedom to implement new patterns to replace the ingrained ones. yes i can be rebellious if i WANT to be, but i do not NEED to be anymore, and therein lies the difference. when behavior becomes a choice, i rejoice!
i need to get some stuff done and get up and move around a bit, so just for today, i can be a rebel, but need not be one!
∞ DT ∞