Blog entry for:

evaluate, and alter the ways and means i REACT to the world around me, is not a bad topic for this morning. as i sat, i felt an anger burning inside that started yesterday and has yet to totally subside. someone, who i once required and desired feedback and praise from, decided it was time to move from being a passive observer to something more, at least on my social media page. what i felt, was white hot rage, how dare they decide to comment on my life when their life is … the topic of this reading was so freaking appropriate for what i am feeling, that it feels a bit spooky. the worst part of all of this, is they are totally in the dark about what i am feeling and the root cause. in their mind, that event is a humorous aside, when in mine it is the basis of a process that crippled me for decades. oh well, i have seen through the lie that i am broken and am beginning to find the way to achieving some sort of wholeness.
ah, i hear you say, what exactly does being pissed off at someone have to do with rebellion? just this, after years of being under the yoke of basing my self-esteem and self-respect, on the amount of praise and attention i received from others, i hate to pretend that i am even the least bit grateful for that now, especially from those who are so clueless that they believe that i desire or require any sort of honorable mention. the fact of the matter is, i would rather walk away for a minute than deal with some of the folks in my life, but that is not currently in the cards as they have developed an unhealthy dependence on my attention and care. what then, am i to do?
i kn ow the source, i know the reaction to input from that source and am quite familiar with the feelings. thew inventory part is done. the plan on how to deal with this, is quite the same as it was yesterday, just delete any comments they happen to post, without forewarning or explanation. having the knowledge that they will not change and accepting that as fact, allows me to accept their oversized opinion of how i live my life, in stride and without the angst and anger i felt the past sixteen hours. i know i am on a path that will lead to me being more confident in myself, regardless of the comments form the peanut gallery. i also know that no matter how often i surrender these feelings into the care of my HIGHER POWER, i am apt to have them once again. as i step out for my work-out, i do have some stuff to drop by the side of my trek through the neighborhoods and will do my best, to do so, just for today.

∞ DT ∞