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learning my place in all of my relationships has been a difficult task for me. my relationship with GOD has been an especially difficult one for me. i was taught and believed for a long time that i was a servant or soldier of GOD, subject to strict obedience to a whimsical and often capricious entity under the penalty of eternal death and suffering. as i grew older i rebelled against this idea and threw out the everything good and bad. i came to believe that whether or not GOD existed i would live my life my way and screw the consequences.
So i came to the program not only a spiritless husk of flesh, but without hope, compassion and resistant (to put it mildly) to the idea of any sort of Higher Power. the awakening of my spirit allowed me to believe that there was a force that could keep me clean and it was a start. falling back on my old behaviors i had to define GOD into a nice, neat container and that worked for me too!
over time and a few cycles of steps, the box has been broken and i now have very little definition to my concept of GOD except i know that, GOD does take care of me if i allow it. so the history of my relationship has not been sooth nor without a few twists and turns. i do know my place in this relationship today, i can humble ask for guidance and the power to follow that guidance, but i must listen for the answer. i have yet to ‘hear’ a booming voice, or see a burning bush to receive my answers, but i still know that GOD does speak to me. GOD uses the people, situations and voices around me to speak, my job is to LISTEN, use the power as it is offers and be grateful for another day in recovery. all the other gifts I get are just gravy, and today I am also grateful for the gravy!
∞ DT ∞