Blog entry for:

for THE common solution that i share with my peers in recovery: living a program that frees us from the ravages of active addiction. certainly a bit of word-smithing here this morning to bring the focus back on me and not the mythical we that many of my peers fall victim to using. i am not going to travel down a well-trodden road this morning about what voice my peers and the literature use when expressing ideas. i know that the literature uses we and us, because the authors want to be inclusive. when my peers share and use we and us, they may be believe that they, too, are being inclusive, when in actuality, they are generalizing. for this addict, when i hear anyone speaking in clichés, generalizations or pumping out advice, i tend to shut down and probably miss the hidden gem in what they are trying to convey. the fact of the matter is that all i know is what works for me and when i share, i am adamant about keeping what i share on what i know, all else is fantasy and speculation. for me, venturing into fantasy and speculation, when i am sharing usually means i am trying to cover something up or divert myself and my peers from what is really going on with me.
this morning, as i slowly get through my morning routine, that i started a half an hour late, i am neither stressed nor anxious about being way off the mark. what keeps bubbling up to the surface is whether or not i am doing right by the two new guys that are choosing to call me their sponsor. i think i rushed one through the FIRST STEP last night, because i have the desire to reach a place in his step work, before his situation changes. considering the fact that he has “worked” the first four steps on his own, certainly played into my decision to move him on to STEP TWO and there is no feeling in my gut that indicates that perhaps i was being hasty. relying on my feelings more than what i think, is a path my sponse has had me on, for quite some time now. with that in mind, i think i can rest assured that i did the next correct thing in this respect.
my other newcomer? well he seems to be a bit out there and i am not sure how to reel him back in. maybe, once again, i should follow my gut feeling and just let it be and allow him to find his way back in. i am going to be speaking with him soon enough and as he is often isolated and in his head, i am going to have to feel my way through to providing him a tool or three that he can use to get grounded once again, if and when he decides to disappear into the smoke and mirrors of denial and fantasy.
with all of that now down in bits and bytes, i can dress out and get out into this frigid and foggy Thursday morning. living in the solution, rather than existing in the problem, creates all sorts of opportunities for me to be “more” than i was yesterday. not sure what “more” may mean for me today, but i am looking forward to seeing what may happen.

∞ DT ∞