Blog entry for:

remembering who i am, today i will humbly accept the gifts that POWER give me.
so of course, as usual i left the meeting the other night a little bit miffed, after all, that is how it goes when i am not spiritually fit. what pissed me off this time? for a few minutes it felt like some sort of religious cult, where everyone was asking everyone else to pray for the outcomes that they desired and one member actually saying that they felt the prayers of the group as they were certain that somehow the universe had stepped in and given them something that they were somehow less than deserving, in fact, this whole pray for me gig, has that feel to it.
”i am not sure i am not worthy, so if you ask a HIGHER POWER to change the outcome in my favor, i will be grateful!”
i get why some feel the need to do that, and really the fact that it happens from the same members over and over and over again, really should not surprise me. my fit of pique passed, and today, what i feel i need to focus on, is why it bugs me so much. i walk through this recovery gig, with a constantly shifting landscape of my view of the spiritual side of this gig. it never borders on ugly or heinous, and often is so incredible i lack the vocabulary to adequately describe it. the one thing that is unchanging is the source of my recovery is that POWER i choose to call the POWER that fuels my recovery. the best part of this is, that for me, there is no need to wear this POWER on my shirt sleeve nor to ask others to pray for one outcome or another in my life. i have come to the place where i believe that not only am i worthy of all the good things that come my way, that i am given them, when the time is right and i have learned what i need to learn to handle the gifts i am being given. this acceptance and surrender has taken a very long time, and no matter what happens, i know that it is what is supposed to happen. before you get the wrong idea, i also believe that i do create the path i am walking on, BY DOING THE FOOTWORK! stuff does not miraculously appear in my life, BUT the opportunity for it to become part of my life, is presented to me on a daily basis. my life, is a result of me being awake enough and present enough to recognize the opportunities i am being given and CHOOSE whether or not i wish to take action. i do not think that i am on some sort of predestined plan to remain just another human being trudging along in ignorant bliss, but neither do i believe that i am somehow destined fro greatness. i think i am on a path that enlightens, uplifts and is creating a person that is becoming genuine, self-aware and whole for the first time in his life. for me that is enough and what that leads to is asking for the opportunity to be more, listening for an answer and choosing to implement it in my life. no mystical, new age, or religious strings attached, and that is how i like it -- i am what i am, and my path is a series of choices that i consciously make when i am awake to them. one of which is it is time to hit the shower and head on down to Denver for a short day of work, that too is a consequence of being present to be more than i ever was. it is after all, a great day to walk in the light of a spiritual nature.

∞ DT ∞