Blog entry for:

i shut the POWER that fuels my recovery out of my life. well as interesting as this may be, what i heard this morning is that ALL relationships require work and participation by BOTH parties. why than does it seem, that so many of my peers in recovery seem to ignore this, when it comes to the relationship they are building with whatever HIGHER POWER they have in their lives? although i cannot begin to speak as to their motives in this regard, i can speak to my own, motives and actions,m and perhaps get a glimpse into what is really happening.
as i have said before, the core of my FAITH comes down to the fact that i was placed upon this path, by circumstances out of my control. after all, i DID not give that fatal shot, i was miles away when the event that tipped my life over happened. nor was i even an interested party, i had long lost the ability to care about anyone or anything, outside of myself. and yet, here i sit nearly 17 years after that event, writing about relationships in recovery. i hate to say it, BUT today oi am grateful for the events that transpired on that May night 17 years ago, that set in motion the life i have today. i could say that i regret that someone had to die, to bring me into such state of desperation, that i could deny reality any longer. it is amazing how stupidly blind i was to what my life was, and to what i could become, that it took a 10.0 earthquake to wake me up to who i really was, and more importantly who i could be.
here is where i tread on very dangerous ground for me. while i have little belief in predestination or anything of that ilk, somehow i ended up on this path, and the more i look at the events of that critical 18 months of my life, the more certain i am, that i was given an opportunity for whatever reason to be happy, healthy and a little more sane. the seeds of the relationship i now have with the POWER that fuels my recovery, were sown way back then, and it has taken many days as a member of the “ no matter what club, ” to see that opportunity was more than just a strong suggestion.
accepting that i was put on this path raises all sorts of bells and whistles of alarm to the rational part of me, but i choose to ignore them. as silly as it may sound to that part of me, there really is NO explanation except the quote from the play about the Danish prince, telling Horatio that there is more going on than is allowed for in his narrow view of how things work. with acceptance, at least for me, comes surrender and when i finally surrender, i can, and these days, do what i can to make the situation better. i have a daily routine of recovery, that i started in those very first days clean, that frames my existence today, and that routine allows me to be awake for the opportunities i am presented each and every waking moment of my day, to get what i NEED and yes, even get what i WANT. i may be powerless over a plethora of things, but one thing that i DO have power over, is what action i take today to foster the relationship i have developed with the POWER that fuels my recovery. i can decide whether today is the day to do the next right thing and ask for guidance and more importantly listen for that guidance through the actions and events that comprise my life today. right here and right now? well, i think i will jump in the shower, head out into this snowy cold morning and get moving towards my home group in Boulder, as that feels like the next right thing to do. my plan, attend a meeting, hit the grocery store and end up in the warm comfort of my home to complete the projects that i am quietly wrapping up this weekend. the outcome? well, that is something that is left to be seen. be well my friends, there is a POWER that is greater than addiction, all you have to do is reach out for it.

∞ DT ∞