Blog entry for:

as i sit and watch the traffic out on the main road and on GOOGLE, wondering if i am going to brave the drive to work and work from home, i am struck by having the opportunity to make this decision at all. right based on all the information i have, it does not appear to be that bad. the humbling part is that there are times when i feel “entitled” to be able to choose to work from home or hazard a drive in, through a blizzard warning, complete with howling winds and inches of snow. this goes to something i heard when i was talking to a peer in the program, specifically “we deserve to be happy.”
i, of course told them my opinion on that subject and that the way i look at it, i make my happiness, instead of sitting around and whining about how happiness is not like manna from heaven, laying all over the landscape waiting for me to pick it up. in my experience, i am content, i am satisfied and hell, i am also joyous. any or all of those states can happen in the course of a day, and of course, being the cynic that i am, i always can go to the place where i am suspect of being in any sort of state of happiness. when i say i make my happiness, i actively pursue a program of recovery that has altered me to the place where i am no longer as dependent on people, places and especially things to be anything. i am growing into a self-aware, genuine and whole person, and as that journey progresses i just am happy, even when all i can see is the darkness and bleakness of living in the modern world. i will bet you are wondering, what if anything this has to do with the gifts i receive from the POWER that fuels my recovery?
my desire to create the conditions withing myself that allow me to be happy, is a gift from the program of recovery. it flows from my decision to ask for the power to stay clean and do whatever it takes to implement the power that i have been given. i am quite certain, the power to stay clean and have the desire to stay clean today comes from outside of me. hell, even today when i consider what it would feel like to get high, there is a special feeling i get, excitedly ecstatic! a year ago, i wrote about the same topic, using the same seed, or at least a form of the same seed. that seed needed to be softened down for my sensibilities., because i was not ready to join the flock and could not see a path to do so, without compromising who i was and where my spiritual journey had taken me. one of the gifts i have received from the POWER that fuels my recovery, is to return to the fold, at least in my use of language, without any compromise of any sort. yes i can say GOD, but what GOD means to me, is the POWER that fuels my recovery. from that POWER i get the power to stay clean today, hence have a career, because i ask for and receive that power, for a few days in a row, i GET to arrive at a place where i can make a decision of whether or not the benefits of being in the office today, outweigh the hassle of getting there. quite honestly that decision may have just been made for me, as the lights just went out.
time to wrap this up and see if i can find a place to work today

∞ DT ∞