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accepting gifts has always been a difficult task for me. and accepting gifts from a power greater than me, be it my parents, the judicial system or GOD is even worse. i have trouble believing there are no strings or conditions attached to each and every gift i receive. it is okay when i am the senior partner in the situation and nearly okay when i am an equal partner, since i know whatever i strings are attached i can always cut without many complications.
so coming into recovery with the belief that there are no true gifts, there was a whole bunch of garbage i had to toss, for this whole recovery gig to work, not the least was everything has its price, whether it is openly marked or not.
so once again i have to look at what i still believe and weigh the evidence to see if it needs to be tossed into the recycling bin of my spirit or maintain it with a bit of polish. truthfully, all the gifts i have received from the fellowship that gave me this new life has come without cost to me. i choose to be of service to this fellowship of my own free will. there was a time when it was strongly suggested that i take formal service positions, and honestly i have continued being of formal service since that day when i had six months clean, but not once has the gift of my recovery been threatened to be withdrawn, if i chose to leave the formal service structure of this fellowship. my sponsors over the course of my recovery, have given me the gift of a bit of self-knowledge and their experience, strength and hope about this whole path of recovery gig. they have never asked for anything in return, not even that i stay clean another day.
moving along that line of thought, i can quickly come to the conclusion that the gift of recovery comes from the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS who i choose to call HP today. HP has given me this new way of life, and never once has demanded that i do anything in return, no burnt offerings, no offering of my first born son, no proselytizing and no raising my voice in glorious tribulation to HP’s benevolent greatness. perhaps the price i pay for all these gifts is beyond my ken, but i do not really have to go there and twist about that today. i can accept that the gifts i have received since i finally accepted recovery as my way of life, are without strings, PERIOD! and with that conclusion i can freely accept all the gifts i may be given today without worrying whether i can pay the price.

∞ DT ∞