๐ accepting what ๐
Posted: Mon, Mar 23, 2020 07:26:36 AM
is being given to me by the POWER that fuels my recovery. i have to admit is, i really hated my daily commute to the office. ironically, with all the **shelter in place** recommendations in place, i am finding myself trending towards going into the office a few days each week. the **gift** i am getting of being able to work from the comfort of my own home, has morphed into a **gift** that i CAN go into the office, when i choose to do so, at least for the moment. each and every time i decide to do so, i have to wonder whether or not i am guilty of living in self-will or, is this just accepting a gift and using it.
the fact of the matter is, that there is never more than one other person in the office, so maintaining social distance is not only possible, but highly probable. i am still disappointed that this whole pandemic thing prevented me from going on the vacation of a lifetime and i am a bit resentful at the government that did very little to stop the spread, when they had ample opportunity to do so. playing to their supporters, focusing on the “optics” and flat out misinforming the citizens about what they knew and when they knew it, makes my anger even worse. living under the shadow of “what may come,” certainly makes this just for today paradigm, even more important for this addict. even so, i can hardly look at what is going on around me, especially every time i wipe my ass, as some sort of gift from anywhere, especially as one from the POWER that fuels my recovery. and so it goes: WAH, WAH, WAH, poor little me!
where all of that leaves me this morning, is that i NEED to accept what is, no matter how little i trust the current government. i NEED to look to the fact that i still have the freedom to move around, to get a coffee beverage with a bit of social interaction from my local barista and i am still getting a paycheck. life is certainly not as difficult as i want to make it. i may feel victimized, but i am in the same boat as everyone else and if i allow FEAR to paralyze me, as i have done in the past, i will revert to all sorts of less than stellar behaviors. it is a good day to be clean and i will do what i can to exercise a bit of gratitude for what i do have, at least in this slice of time.
the fact of the matter is, that there is never more than one other person in the office, so maintaining social distance is not only possible, but highly probable. i am still disappointed that this whole pandemic thing prevented me from going on the vacation of a lifetime and i am a bit resentful at the government that did very little to stop the spread, when they had ample opportunity to do so. playing to their supporters, focusing on the “optics” and flat out misinforming the citizens about what they knew and when they knew it, makes my anger even worse. living under the shadow of “what may come,” certainly makes this just for today paradigm, even more important for this addict. even so, i can hardly look at what is going on around me, especially every time i wipe my ass, as some sort of gift from anywhere, especially as one from the POWER that fuels my recovery. and so it goes: WAH, WAH, WAH, poor little me!
where all of that leaves me this morning, is that i NEED to accept what is, no matter how little i trust the current government. i NEED to look to the fact that i still have the freedom to move around, to get a coffee beverage with a bit of social interaction from my local barista and i am still getting a paycheck. life is certainly not as difficult as i want to make it. i may feel victimized, but i am in the same boat as everyone else and if i allow FEAR to paralyze me, as i have done in the past, i will revert to all sorts of less than stellar behaviors. it is a good day to be clean and i will do what i can to exercise a bit of gratitude for what i do have, at least in this slice of time.
∞ DT ∞