Blog entry for:

a vital, guiding connection with the God of my understanding. well all this talk about a spiritual life is starting to sound a bit redundant. i am sure that although this is not my first time through this cycle, i probably did not notice this fact s0 much, but of course i could be wrong. what i heard today was that once again, the focus is on the connection and today the seed spoke to my understanding and not something i owned. it would be wonderful to say that i owned an understanding of the divine, especially on how i interface with that whole notion, but all i get is fleeting glimpses, at best. that does not mean i do not FEEL it, i do. every day taht i practtice the ELEVENTH STEP, i hear the quiet, and i feel that i am part of something greater. i know that more than enough, and certainly have FAITH, that will continue to grow as i do. i once had a sponsee, who was so angry with me, when i moved him into STEP TWELVE, as he had yet to get any benefit from his daily practice, or at least that is what he told me. i do not know what he was looking for, i can however tell you, that i do not expect, heavenly choirs, thunderclaps or burning bushes as signs that this step is doing its work.
for me, sometimes, i get an intuitive feeling that i will be given the opportunity to GET what i need. sometimes i get a cosmic slap upside my thick skull, a “GOD-shot,t≵ if you will, telling me that i am not on the right path. most of the time all i get is a few minutes of quiet from the incessant chatter that goes on inside my head, and that too, is more than enough. FREEDOM from self-obsession, no matter how brief is a wonderful benefit for me. IF that as all i ever got, i could accept that and move on. what i am coming to believe is that in that quiet time, i do get to hear the VOICE of the POWER that fuels my recovery, no matter how faint and confusing it may be. what i get is hooked up to a source that is more than beyond my ken and defies any attempt by me to define it.
what does any of this mean? well when yo figure it out, let me know ;)!
as long as i see the benefit of strengthening my connection to the divine, i will continue to work on building it, and i do see many benefits from letting go, quieting my mind and listening on a level that i do not quite get. anyhow as teh sun illuminates the clouds and starts to come up over the horizon, i will end with this thought -- IF IT WORKS, WHY FIX IT! just for today, my connection with the spiritual side of this progarm is working, so i will keep on coming back.

∞ DT ∞