Blog entry for:

BUT, recovery does not equal success. recovery, in and of itself, is a success and any material possessions i have accumulated; any accolades or accomplishments i have achieved; are a RESULT of my success at living a program a day at a time. that is not to say that i do not enjoy those rewards and that i am somehow becoming ascetic monk of some sort. what it means, that when is all and said and done, a successful day is one in which i stay clean, practice spiritual principles in all of my affairs and do my best to carry the message to the still suffering addict, even when the still suffering is not the newest FNG in the rooms.
the reading spoke of my greatest need being knowledge of the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, and i get that. in fact, strengthening that relationship is what the focus of my formal step work is today. as i have been whining about for what seems like forever, the direction of my spiritual path, at least in the here and now, has crystallized into something that is outside or the norm. it has become, at times, a weapon to use against myself and a wedge that i place between myself and my peers, and as i finally am starting to let go of that particular part of this obsession, i am starting to find a bit of peace, love and understanding. what i am seeing, is that it is okay to be a non-conformist, when conformity does not fit well. from someone who grew up in rebellion to conformity, this rigid adherence to being just “like” my peers, is, well, deliciously ironic.
today, at my home group, i GOT to see what successful recovery looks like on other addicts, and it was brave, humble and beautiful. it got me wondering, how well i am wearing my recovery? sure i do all the stuff i was taught to do and made a decision not to use today. sure i have been at this a few days in a row. the importance of seeking similarities rather than pointing out the differences, still rings in my ears, and yet, here i sit, in the wake of a giant difference, trying to remain relevant and i keep coming back to the notion, so what! be different, celebrate it and allow others to see it, as who knows, when and where i will be called upon to testify that sometimes a difference is as good as or better than, being part of the crowd.
so for me, success may not equal recovery, but my recovery, when i choose to live an active program, does make a successful day.

∞ DT ∞