Blog entry for:

and to ensure my ongoing recovery. so in case you sleep through my content here or when i share, i will flat out state that using GOD as the convenient term for the POWER that fuels my recovery, is generally not part ion how i am. i believe that precision in language is important, and for me the use of the word GOD, as convenient as it may be, is just not adequate to begin to express what i have been coming to believe is the SOURCE of my recovery.
this journey has been a long and twisted one, that i have shared about many times before but it does bear a quick summary ion the here and now.
AGNOSTIC → THE GROUP → My Sponsor's GOD → SANTA GOD →WHATEVER GOD → GOD IN THE BOX → THE POWER THAT FUELS MY RECOVERY.
coming to the place i am at, does not mean i DO NOT use the word GOD, it means that when i think about it and have a x choice, i choose not to. there are far too many connotations in that term and what i share could be mistaken by some as a misguided attempt to steer them towards some sort of religious dogma. the only thing i am dogmatic about in this respect is TOTAL FREEDOM to find concept of a HIGHER POWER that works for each and every one of us, AS INDIVIDUALS! sure some religious folks, may think i am against their religion and in a sense they are correct, i am against their religion as the framework for my spiritual life, not theirs. you really need not pray for me, because i fail to see that there is some sort of everlasting reward for doing the next right thing and suffering the slings and arrows of life on its own terms. right or wrong, my life is too brief on most days to worry about the consequences my actions will have on my life after i am dead. i am more concerned about how my actions affect my immediate world in the here and now and the very near future. i know IF i do my best to live the principles and values that i have uncovered as a result of my journey through recovery, that for the most part, i will actually do the next right thing without hesitation or thought, living me free to ponder more esoteric considerations like the question of Life, The Universe and Everything.
but seriously, living as the best person i can be today, allows me more freedom that i have ever had in the past, and that FREEDOM all springs from the POWER that fuels my recovery, regardless of the TRUE nature of that power. understanding what that POWER may or may not be and building a framework of beliefs around that notion, is in my opinion a waste of my time and effort and i have grown to the place where not defining and not knowing is far more comfortable than the rigid structure i once required. this view of the POWER that fuels my recovery, also requires no maintenance nor do i NEED to pray for outcomes, as i will get what i need to get, exactly when i need it,, in this paradigm. to ask others to beseech their concepts to get the outcome i desire is so distasteful to me, that even considering it feels as if i got sprayed with mustard gas directly to my eyes and when i hear others asking for that, i do feel my anger rising, as in WTF do they not know who i am? how dare they?
when i think about it, they dare to do so, because of their FREEDOM to choose and really becoming self-righteous and all judgmental over the exercise of their freedom, is one of my shortcomings that is long in going!
this morning, i see that and when i hear about all the other ideas of how this POWER works in the lives of others, this evening at the meeting, i will do my best to remember that they have the same freedom as i do, to choose what works best for them, and it is me, who is constraining them, when i get all worked up over something that i have absolutely no power over today. so it IS time to go for a run, finish my laundry, get some work done, go shopping, meet with a sponsee, call a business inquiry and oh yeah, find some time to have a bit of fun all before my head hits the pillow tonight, and that journey my friends is starting with this first step. until next time, BE WELL.

∞ DT ∞