Blog entry for:

impossible, specifically staying clean, just for today, for thousands of days in a row. although many of my peers, prefer to call that a miracle, and maybe they are right, i see it as evidence of some sort of POWER external to myself, providing what i need. it is easy to have FAITH when everything is going my way. i can use the word GOD without cringing or feeling hypocritical when i am connected to the POWER that fuels my recovery. when things are not so great, then the word GOD sticks in craw and i lose FAITH that i am being given the opportunity to attain all that i need. when all done, in my capacity as a flawed human being, this vacillation between extremes, is part and parcel of the package. the FAITH i feel this morning is not contingent on getting my way, at least not right now. although writing about FAITH and my spiritual journey is not a bad way to add another link in this chain, it really was not what popped off the stack as i sat this morning.
as i sat, i kept coming back to what this week at work means to me. my client, in theory is leaving our platform on Friday evening at 6:00 PM. my employer wants me to stick around through December and take over another client and i am not really willing to do so. they keep promising to make an offer for me to hang out and yet, week after week, nothing drops in my in-box. i am feeling disrespected by my employer and more than ready to move along, and yet, i can barely get my foot in the door, elsewhere. they gave me a raise in base pay, they will pay me while i am in Greece, so why are my knickers so bunched up? i am not certain, but it probably comes down to things not happening fast enough for me. what i kept hearing was to let go and yes have just a little bit more FAITH in the process that has yet to unfold. my job is to keep doing the footwork and let go of the results, even if that means being stuck in a dead-end, redundant job for another five months. they are, after all, paying me very well to be a placeholder and i NEED to be grateful for that. they certainly could have kicked me to the curb, next Monday and they did not.
just for today, i will allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to take care of me and let go of that which i have little to no power over. building a bit of FAITH will be my task as i commit this to the inter-webs and head on out for a bit of exercise.

∞ DT ∞