Blog entry for:

of preconceptions about what the word **God** means plagued me from the first meeting i attended. it has only after letting go of my NEED to conform and fit in, was i able to come to terms with the POWER that fuels my recovery and how that POWER fits into my life and my program of recovery. i often think that those of my peers, who struggle with the concept of a HIGHER POWER and have to work through their issues to become comfortable with using the word GOD in their shares, seem to end up with the strongest connection to whatever their concept of a HIGHER POWER happens to be.of course, i may be more than a bit prejudiced in this matter as, that was my journey and that journey took the better part of my clean time to finally get to where i am no longer fronting an idea that i cannot believe.
my journey to where i have arrives is more than well-documented and the fear i felt and the dishonesty i practiced was not that much unlike the way i chose the candidate in the least presidential election. i was afraid that if i did not choose between the “lesser of two evils” the result would be unpalatable to me. the result is unpalatable to me BUT i made a choice and can hold my head high that i was not part of the populace who believed the lies from the right, even though they were probably not that much different than the lies from the left. my hope is that in the next election cycle i can vote for someone who actually believe in the same things that i do. as the beauty contest part of the next election cycle unfolds, i will get to see what choices i have and pay attention to what passes for “honesty” in today's political world.
coming back to this topic, my values today no longer include having to get what i think i am “owed” by any means possible. i live the life i choose to live, not out of FEAR of eternal suffering or reward, but because it is the next right thing to do. when i desire to be respected, i must must first be respectful. when i feel the need to be tolerated, i must try and make myself more tolerable. and when i get a twinge of guilt, i need to look for the source, rather than sweeping it under the carpet of lies, excuse, rationalizations and justifications. to allow for all of that in my life, i NEED to strengthen my connection to the spiritual side of the program. i can allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to provider the strength and stamina, i need to wake-up and walk out into this crazy world of “fake” news, alternative truths and obfuscation. today, that last sentence can be summed up with two words: GOD's grace. it is time for me to accept that gift and enter the real world for another day clean.

∞ DT ∞