Blog entry for:

one might wonder, which word might that be? GREAT, GOAL, GALLOP, GOLLUM or maybe, just maybe GOD. i have been in the place where i was severely sensitive by my peers using the term GOD, so freely and with such aplomb. that i actually had a resentment towards all of **those people** for the longest time. ** those people** were everyone i conveniently lumped into a stereotypes of close-minded hypocritical Christians. the ones that pray the loudest on Sunday in church, then go out and screw their neighbor over by all the means at their disposal. i was certain i wanted nothing to do with them and did my best to avoid listening to their superstitious prattle about “mysterious ways” and “always watching,” because if they truly believed, they would be far more spiritual in the manner they treat others. now that intolerance and closed minded bigotry is socially acceptable, i see i may not have been too far off the mark in my original judgement. where i missed the mark, however, was lumping everyone i met who identified as Christian into that intolerant and bigoted group, without actually see how they behaved. across the course of my recovery, i have stumbled across many Christians in the fellowship and to my amazement, most of them actually practice a spiritual side to living, even when no one is looking. my lack of respect based on my contempt and shortsightedness, has been replaced by respect and my desire to believe that they, like me, do their best to live by the values they espouse.
ironically, my worst judgements are coming true, in the real world. i am more than a little upset about how Christians can support and defend a misogynistic, bigoted, unfaithful, liar and cheat to advance their political fortunes. if i was one to believe all the stories i tell myself about other people, the one i once recited when i first was getting clean, would be the one i brought back. all of a sudden it is perfectly acceptable to call the cops on people of color because they have the audacity to use a restroom BEFORE they make a purchase, or happen to show up late for a perspective student tour of campus or <GASP> or sell bottled water without a permit. where the fVck has Christian charity and loving your neighbor gone to? ah, but is a very broad brush that i am using, that more than likely is tarring and feathering more than a few, who actually live up to their values, by the bad seeds in the bunch, and that for me, makes me take a step back to my spiritual principles and how i can apply them in my life, rather than “jumping to conclusions” based on the FAITH one practices.
so ends my diatribe about modern political and societal woes. for me, learning to accept that just because one of my peers uses GOD as their HIGHER POWER, does not mean that they fall into any single category. i certainly use GOD as shorthand for the POWER that fuels my recovery and to allow myself to connect with others. besides i am lazy and why use ten syllables when one will suffice, at least to get my point across. the fact that i have softened my stance and am learning to overcome my prejudice and biases about religions, is certainly a sign of growth. it also helps me to better connect with my peers, no matter what spiritual or religious path they happen to follow, or not follow. as much as i might want to separate myself from the pack, i know that the consequences will not be to my liking. it is not up to my peers to come around to my way of thinking, nor is it my task to come around to how they view the spiritual side of recovery. my task to to tolerate others, until i can learn to accept them. in practical terms it means putting aside what i think of others and allowing them the freedom to be who they are. once i learn to be better than i was, they will of course seem better in my eyes, that they were. just for today, i will allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to be part and parcel of all i do, you may of course, substitute whatever it is that you use for the “G” word, to see how that may fit into your life.

∞ DT ∞