Blog entry for:

i can and will use the POWER that keeps me clean and free.
as i have said many time before, i was one of those who not only did not believe but actually found the whole concept of GOD, repulsive and beneath me even taking the time to consider, way back in my early days of recovery. time, steps and recovery later, i still have wild emotional swings about the word itself, but NOT the POWER that fuels my recovery. while i like to think that i have this sh!t all figured out, the truth is the longer is stay clean the less certain i am about most things when it comes to the spiritual side of this program, and the less certain i NEED to be. there is a single salient fact in operation here, and that is there is some POWER, call IT GOD, or whatever, that gives me the ability to stay clean, just for today.
i have come to grips with the FACT that i am now and will always be an addict. i have come to accept in my heart of hearts as well as in my head, that i have NO power over my addiction and that i NEED to surrender to my addiction. this morning i CHOOSE to live without using, so i have to reach out for and accept an outside source of the power to stay clean,. that power comes from a HIGHER POWER, that many choose to call GOD, but i choose to call the POWER that fuels my recovery.
i could go on and on, but this morning has slipped away from me and i really need to hit the showers and get started on my journey down south. it is a good day to be clean and i will do my best to listen for the guidance i GET from the POWER that fuels my recovery, as i stumble along the path today.

∞ DT ∞