Blog entry for:

that keeps me clean and free, is what i am focused in this moment. i could go on and on about my journey to find GOD, but that is and oft-repeated and long story, that need not be retold this morning. suffice it to say, that right here and right now, i am okay surrendering my will and my life into the care of that POWER.
these days, i find the world very disturbing and the future so uncertain, that i often want to go back to bed, cover my head with my pillow and ignore all that is happening outside the doors to my home. i am quite certain that i am not the only human being that feels this way, and perhaps as time goes by, the “new” normal will much more to my liking. what keeps me going, is my FAITH that the POWER that fuels my recovery, will present me with the opportunities i need to get everything i need, and some of the stuff i actually want. as i sat in the chair at the dentist's office, i was asked to verbalize what i was thinking. the fact of the matter was, i was thinking about nothing. where once all i could think about was how terrible my experience was and how i was going to get “even” with the object of my ire, the dental hygienist, this morning i sat there as she cleaned my teeth, contemplating the “quiet” spot i have uncovered as part of my spiritual practice. in that moment i took responsibility for how my teeth got so bad and comfort in the fact that once i started to stop “settling” for having them rot out of my head, my visits to the dental office was not nearly as heinous as i once perceived them to be.
after a crappy day at work yesterday, i see that what i took on, was really not my stuff and my admission of wrong was a necessary part of listening to the voice of that POWER. it was hard to not feel disappointed that my admission of being wrong to not bring an instant response from the injured party. as i went over my day last night, i can see that although my motives were pure, i still had an expectation that i needed to release. when i got the acknowledgement this morning, my heart thawed and i saw that there was still a bit of an expectation remaining.
now it is time to meet the expectations of my employer and get to work. yes GOD is GOD and i can comfortably use that term, when i share with others and even in my own head. the journey continues and staying clean means more to me than not using, no matter what. today that term means that i have done all that i could to foster my journey into becoming something more than just another addict in recovery, i want to be a person who lives by his values and treats himself well. GOD is providing me the opportunity to grow into that person, just for today.

∞ DT ∞