Blog entry for:

i will lose what i have.the question than comes down to: what is it that i have, that is worth keeping?? many of the things, i have been given are material, and transient, so are they worth keeping? well i do like to live in a comfortable manner, so yes, i would say so. may of the gifts i have been given, have advanced me intellectually and career-wisely, am i will to do what it takes to hold on to them? well, since those gifts allow me to live comfortably, that is yet another yes. my personal relationships, whether i am a “square hugger” or not, is yet another set of gifts that i have been given here the work i need to do is the greatest, as i do not do relationships with any inherent skill, and yet, i am willing to hold on to this facet of my life was well, even though, for me, this is the most difficult and arduous part of my life. finally, i also have had the opportunity to grow-up, learn who i am and accept that if i want to keep all the aforementioned gifts and continue on the journey towards becoming the man i have always wanted to be, than i have to be willing to give it all away.
well not necessarily like some ascetic hermit, living in a cave in a hair shirt, but certainly the driving force behind all of those gifts, my program of recovery, as given to me from the members who were here when i got here. i am glad, that no matter how heinous or awkward and yes tough, w=their suggestions were, i still adopted them, kicking, screaming and whining about them incessantly most of the time. i did not need to alter them to fit my notions of what i thought recovery was and is, so i cannot say, i work my program of recovery. no, i am a traditionalist of sorts, a Nazi, as it were, and the program i work is that of the mainstream fellowship that has given me this new manner of living. that presented me with a template, that has become the pattern of my life. as a result, i am much more than i ever dreamed possible. that is certainly what i am willing to give away, today and if i mallow myself to project, even tomorrow. the nice art about being a conformist in this sense, is that i never need apologize, rationalize, justify or defend my recovery to others, as it is as it is spelled out in the literature, addiction is my problem, this fellowship is my solution. the sponsee or ex-sponsee, that has consumed my waking thoughts over the past few weeks, well this morning i know what i have to write, but it is not quite yet time to write him. no it is time to get the garbage and the recycling out to the curb and head on over to work. life is… interesting for me today and although my normal routine will be interrupted today, it is something i can live with, as i accepted the responsibility of having a puppy when i was part of bringing her into our life. in the long and short run, life is chock full of consequences, BUT, if i follow the program i have been given, adapt my life to fit that pattern and do my best to give it away, i am certain , all will be well, at least in my tiny corner of the world.

∞ DT ∞