Blog entry for:

i develop a conscious contact with a loving POWER greater than myself. what i heard and what i borrowed as my seed a are a bit different this morning. i heard about removing the destructive patterns from my life and replacing them with the constructive patterns provided to me by the collective knowledge of the fellowship of which i consider myself a member. the lead in i took speaks directly to this, as i am seeing that the particular insanity, that i am living in these days comes from the overwhelming desire to exercise power, instead of allowing my power to come from the POWER that keeps me clean. it is all bout arranging the world and the people in it to suit my particular taste, and then having the gall to have the expectation that is what WILL happen, and being pissed off when it does not. the nice part of that particular world view? it is NEVER, EVER MY FAULT! with a quick sweep of the hand, all responsibility is wiped away and i can continue marching angrily to my next eruption, justified and self-satisfied.
as wonderful as such a world view may appear to me, i see the nature of my insanity and it is becoming clear what the face of sanity may need to look like for me, in this phase of my recovery. the major stumbling block to moving forward was i was afraid that by naming the face of my sanity, that is all it would be, and i would shortchange myself. the realization this morning is, that face of sanity is as temporary and fleeting as everything else in my life, and it is only a milepost along the journey, not even a intermediate destination. the pattern of concentrating on the outcome and missing the journey, is one of the most destructive still manifest in my life. so being present for what is happening, i do believe i will go work out and let the rest of the world take care of itself, just for right now.

∞ DT ∞