Blog entry for:

my old routines, with a new pattern of living, is certainly a noble enterprise today. one of those new patterns is not joining the dog pile, even when i am a very safe environment and quite certain there will be no way for that behavior to get reported back. i was stunned that i when i began to participate, i hesitated until my heart caught up with my head. where once i might have gleefully joined in and encouraged a full-on jam session of critique and shite slinging, i deferred and asked a few questions and let it be. i am no longer the arbiter of proper behavior of anyone but myself.
i use this little bit of anomalous behavior as an example of what was, may not always be what is, at least for me. do i have an opinion on the behaviors of my peers? yes i do! do i NEED to share them with anyone who may want to listen, no i do not, in fact as i sit here this morning i see that NEED fading to DESIRE and that DESIRE fading into acceptance of who i am and who they may be. i am not afraid to have it discovered that i might harbor a less than stellar opinion of one or more of my peers. my opinions and my judgements, especially of those who seem to want to be very big fish in this very small pond are really something i can choose to keep to myself, these days. i wish i could say i do so out of compassion or empathy, but the fact is, i do so out of respect for myself. i behave in a new manner and i start to think differently. when one of my peers disappears, i do not always jump to the conclusion that they have decided to relapse, although that is certainly on the top of my list. where i go today, is that maybe i have to give my peers and myself the benefit of doubt. with that thought in mind, i think i will go prepare for my day of employment and travels to take care of what i did not take care of last week. it is a good day to be better than i was yesterday, even if it is more like the middle of November instead of early October.

∞ DT ∞