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so the reading this morning, at least as i heard it, was all about not asking for more than i can handle, when i talk to the POWER that fuels my recovery. this certainly could lead into a treatise about where i was and where i am now, in regards to the whole “GOD” gig, but not today. this morning i get that “SANTA GOD” is not part of my spiritual world view and can move way beyond that notion.
what i heard was all about the wills, GOD's will, self-will and true will. the battle of the wills, is a great topic for me to think about on any day, especially in this oh so commercial season of gift giving. what i REALLY want for myself, is a balance between self-will and my own true will for myself. sure i would love to win MEGA-MILLIONS and be set for the rest of my life, at least financially. the problem, is what would i do, if i was not working because i did not need to. i mean seriously, i could say right now that i would continue to work, as i really do like what i do for a living, even when i am frustrated and stymied at every turn. being the person i am, however, how long would i continue go to work, when i knew i did not have to? always an interesting flight of fancy and the question is rhetorical, as i have not won millions of dollars through blind luck alone. living in the real world means, i work with what i am given, and whenever possible i am grateful for the gifts. that is quite a nice loophole for me to dive through. when gratitude flies out the window, exactly what am i left with? all that i have been given, whether or not i asked for it. today, i have FREEDOM from active addiction, and although that is the source of the life i have, part of me, namely the part of me i call addiction, always wants more. having an insatiable thirst, is a condition i am familiar with, and although it has been relieved, it is never slaked. that is something i CAN ask for in prayer, to have my obsession with self and my desire to use, removed, in the here and now. that is a gift that i GET every single day since i finally came to recovery and that is the one gift that i am always grateful for. it is that relief that allows me to live as i do today, whether or not i am a multimillionaire. that is who i am, and that is who i am becoming. so yes a new car, a triple raise or straight A's would be nice, but today, i will savor the enjoyment of earning those rewards through my own efforts by being present for the opportunities i am offered.

∞ DT ∞