Blog entry for:

that fuels my recovery and the power to carry that out in the real world. today, it is a quick foxhole one, to get me down to Denver safe and sound. i started out early this morning,because the weather decided to change to winter overnight. as i watch out the window, there is a bit of gratitude, well more than a bit that i am not the one driving the literal bus, in the mes that this commute is becoming. i certainly can see the irony in being powerless and surrendering my will and my life into the care of RTD, no matter how long it happens to be this morning. in fact, i did everything i could this morning to catch this very first BUS!
extending that metaphor to my life and my recovery, if i would allow a human being the power to get me through a winter storm, why is it that i cannot have FAITH in a HIGHER POWER to do the same on a grander scale. oh i could say, that this surrender is for just an hour or so, and i can see the benefits of allowing someone else, anyone else, navigate the hazards of snow, ice and traffic. at the end of this ride i will emerge from Market Street Station and once again be in control of my movements. so looking at it from that direction, it is a matter of scale, not unwillingness. i still think my journey is infinite and not without limits, that is my journey in life. as i look at how silly i am being, in taking back the power that i really do not and actually never did have, i see how important the topic of this reading is for me. my life is a bus ride, where i have never really been the driver, the ride to this point has had its bumps and grinds, but overall has been good. of course, i could help the driver out by telling him what to do, but why would i? after all, i paid my fare and i am allowed the opportunity to kick back and muse about my life as a bus rider,
enough of the extended metaphors. exactly what does it mean to pray for knowledge of the will of a HIGHER POWER for me, it means i ask for what i want, and accept what i get. as much as the results are not always to my liking, i have discovered that i GET just what i need exactly when i NEED it. had i decided to drive this morning, like i almost did, i would still be stuck in traffic, crawling down I-25 at three miles per hour and i know i would have been much more frustrated than i am right now. yes i want to get to work so i can get out early this afternoon, however, i am right where i am supposed to be, free to do a little light writing and deep thinking, as it were. IF i was running this journey i would have already been flipping everyone off, screaming obscenities and commenting on the parentage and intelligence of those around me, loudly in my own head. if anyone else is considering the drive town to Denver this morning, be ready for a long and frustrating drive, as the idiots have already got traffic all jammed up. it is time for me to let o, do a bit of work and allow myself to enjoy the freedom that being a bus rider allows, here in real time as well as in the context of my journey through life and recovery itself.

∞ DT ∞