Blog entry for:

i earn rewards and learn to handle them as i do.
earn those rewards that is! and earning and learning is not the way i want things to happen. i want what i want and dammit i am entitled to what i want. i have the right to expect that i will be rewarded for being clean, or do i??
the gift of another day to be able to make the choice to stay clean is enough for me most days, BUT sometimes i think there must be more. like today for instance, i have been working like a mad man since six-fifteen, and i do not foresee getting done anytime soon. where is the reward for being responsible all week, doing what i needed to do and still having to work ten or eleven hours? well for one, i get paid by my clients to do so, so i get to deposit some money in my bank, pay some bills and have a roof over my head. sometimes, well actually most of the time, i would like to have the money i earn, just given to me for doing nothing but being a lazy slob! just like i want to be happy, calm and a spiritual giant without doing any step work! how about having a beautiful new house without having to do anything except breathe. yes i would like to get all those things and not have to do anything for that to happen. the question in my mind is, am i willing to ask GOD for those things and am i willing to except the consequences of getting those things. and as i sit here pondering the ins and outs of what i want and what it takes to get those things, i am satisfied with taking the time, and doing the footwork to get what i want. i have had the experience of getting what i asked for, only to be unable to handle it after i got it. and i am unwilling to go through that process again, after all i may be a human and i may be an addict but i am not ignorant so i can learn from my mistakes and move on. so what am i going to do today?? listen for GOD’s will for me and do my best to align myself to that will. a frighteningly simple task!

∞ DT ∞