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ironically, each and every time i stumble over this reading, it reminds me of my **Santa GOD** phase in my spiritual journey. in those days i prayed for the stuff and events i wanted and BOOM, they seemed to just be there, sometimes in abundance. what i discovered is that when i was praying for that stuff, i felt as if i NEEDED to have it, instead of merely wanting it after all, “desire is the root cause of all evil.”
so it would be nice to just drop that bomb and walk away, yes it certainly would, however i cannot put that notion aside, sometimes what the Buddha said rings in my ears, and this morning especially. the holiday season of gift giving is upon me and as much as i say i really do not need a gift, i would certainly be butt-hurt if none came my way. the same is true about the gifts of recovery. while i have moved beyond expecting material gain from as a reward for staying clean, i still have the desire for that to happen. when i started my 11TH step, i was all, excited about the material strides i had made in my life. when i sat down with my sponse, i expressed that notion as the evidence that my FAITH that GOD would provide me all that i needed. today i see the fallacy in that idea, if that was the case, why would GOD not provide all of those same material advantages to everyone else, as well? if i go down the “chosen few” path, i become the sort of hypocrite that i often rail against. desire had once again reared its ugly head and the whole notion of “Santa GOD” was still there, under the spiritual camouflage of a new path. i can now see why my sponse said that, and where it has led me to today.
the path i am on today, is not so much focused on what i get, at least in the material sense, but what i can give away. what i can give away, comes from the spiritual bounty, that i am given for each moment i decide to live as the best version of Don, that i can be today. the abundance i get, even though it sometimes feels as if it is being expressed as material gains, comes from the relationship i have developed with the POWER that fuels my recovery. i GET to see the opportunities in my life to be more than i was two minutes ago. who i am today, material or not, is an expression of the will of that POWER for me and my life. i need not be bent over in prayer asking for this and that,m but can be comfortable accepting the gift of being clean, one more day.
i just may be in that chosen few, but that few does not have a limit on how many it will contain. the chosen part? i chose to get clean, for whatever mixed motives i had back in the day. i chose to stay clean, even though i was certain it was the material gains and the upgrade of my life that was my reward for staying clean. and i get to chose to live an active program of recovery today, even when i have more than one expectation of a regard for doing so.
sure i would love to win POWERBALL or have someone drop a ginormous sum of money into my life. will i pray for it, no i will not. will i come to expect it as a reward for the life i am living, nope not today. what i will do is seek out and do the next right thing and be content, that is the path that i NEED to be on, just for today!

∞ DT ∞