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the rewards of life, just for today. as i sat this morning, an interesting notion occurred to me, actually it was recycled from a couple days before, when the craving for nicotine was upon me. anyhow, it was an old version of a HIGHER POWER, one i could affectionately call my “Monty Hall” GOD. it was time to make a deal with GOD, specifically i would buy a pack of cigarettes and a PowerBall ticket, and if i won over $1000.00 dollars i would pitch the whatever was left in that pack into the garbage can. as ironically insane as that idea may sound today, when it came upon me, i just had to laugh, as that was certainly a version of a concept from my using days and that concept has played a part of my journey, more than once, in my active recovery. yes i would certainly like to find an easy way out of the hole i put myself into, but today i know that there is no easier, =softer way to do so and i just have to keep chugging along the path i am on.
last night i connected with a peer whom i had not seen in quite some time. his departure from my life was quite sudden and fraught with conflict and rumors of misconduct. over the course of my service work, i have come to a place that when someone experiences consequences, such as his, it is not my stuff to “get the lowdown” on all they did. i let him know after dropping him off, that i was ignorant as to the “why” of where he was and that it is not important enough to me, to ask him to explain himself, last night. in fact i would not have even thought of bringing up the topic had he not alluded to what he had done and the reaction he was getting now from others. for me, last night was about reconnecting and seeing if there is more of a relationship to foster. that question still has yet to be answered but at least this morning as i rush out to get some steps in, i can be certain that what is, is just that. i feel more than okay withe where we left the state of my knowledge and as i move forward today, i am certain i will get a bit more clarity around where i am going, without Monty Hall asking me what would i give up to get whatever is behind door number 2.

∞ DT ∞