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that way, i get only what i am capable of handling, or do i? that is of course the intrinsic question when dealing with matters that require FAITH. this is of course, just part of the big picture i am just beginning to get a glimpse of, and integrating what i believe and i what i observe into a single vision is a slow process and one that i feel that i sometimes lack the patience to complete. there is an old saying that everything worth having is worth working for, and i see that does apply specifically to the reading this morning, however i am using it regards to where my recovery journey is going.
for starters, it is not part of my belief system that i get EVERYTHING i ask for in prayer. i GET answers, i may GET the OPPORTUNITY to get something i desire, BUT stuff is not just handed down to me from on high, not material stuff, not intellectual enlightenment and certainly not spiritual growth. i am more than okay with that, for if any of those events occurred, i would probably keel over in my tracks of heart failure. as much as i whine and moan about how much work i do, i do not think i would have it any other way. where i am spiritually and intellectually is the fruit of my labor as well as the result of the gifts i have been given in recovery, whether or not is explicitly asked for them.
ironically, this whole recovery gig, is the result of something i did ask for in prayer, way back when, in a foxhole prayer, after my ass was once again in a sling, i asked GOD to give me a way to stay out of prison. even though i DID NOT believe in any sort of GOD. if i was the type to ascribe human characteristics to such a concept, i would have to say GOD smiled, as my request was granted. i am, part of this freak show now, and i actually do not regret it in the slightest, NOW. that is not to say my feelings were different way back when, what i wanted was a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD, what i got was a whole new life.
so as i practice the action parts of STEP ELEVEN today, i am very careful to be exact in what i ask for, as i am not one who deals well with surprises. this surgical precision keeps me grounded and yes it would be nice to win the POWERBALL, or have boatloads of money, respect and intellectual enlightenment just dropped in my lap from on high. i can however, be grateful enough for what i have, to NOT ask for any of those events to happen, when i am working the conscious contact part of my program.
as i was up way early this morning, i do believe i will move on to the next task and take advantage of the extra time i have in front of me. it is a great day to be grateful for what i DO HAVE and be present fro the opportunity to acquire what i want and desire, today.

∞ DT ∞