Some memes

in my recovery, most of the difficulties i may face are the result of factors other than addiction. i use the term **most** lightly, as i am still prone to drop into behaviors that are indicative of being an addict and when that happens, complications and difficulties often follow. all of that aside, when my difficulties, especially the minor ones arise, i am more than likely to be more than just a bit annoyed by them. once upon a time i would cry out “WHY ME GOD??!!” these days, as i have moved into a different spiritual realm, i may still feel as if i am a victim and get angry, resentful and more than a bit self-righteous, wondering how this could happen to me. not all that different Fromm the before-times. what has changed is that i can move into at an attitude that is at least tolerant. heck, i can even find some acceptance, when i pause and look a the bigger picture, which is what was suggests by my source material this morning.
as i continue down the path of annoyance and difficulties, there is a peer of mine, who seems to be severely in need of my approval. i am probably misreading the situation, as i am apt to do. every time he sees me, he seems intent on engaging with me, one way or another, even though i really want very little to do with him. yes, i know i have an aversion to newcomers in general, but i still am open to most of them, especially those that are doing their level best to figure out how to come to recovery or at least making the appearance to do so, as i am certainly a poor judge of sincere willingness. the vibe i pick up from the addict in question is that he seems to think that he is different and arrogantly displays that at every opportunity. when i consider how i came into the program, i see all sorts of similarities, but in stead of trying to be everyone''s friend, i was doing my best to get kicked out. the behaviors may trend down a different track and i may be wrong, but what it really is not his stuff, it is mine and i sincerely hate being reminded of what i was, way back when.
moving into today, it is time for me to get the dawg out for a walk and perhaps, today, she will have the desire to walk her full measure, instead of going home after she does her duty. no problem either way, i can roll with her desires, after all, this is her time not mine. just for toady i will look at the obstacles and difficulties that life presents in the context of a bigger picture and see if i can find the ways and means to accept that they are just part of living in the real world.

∞ DT ∞