Blog entry for:

i can avert a crash with simple solutions. so i am way out of my routine this morning, using work time to write this, may induce a bit of guilt, but it quickly gets relieved with a lie, that i lovingly call a rationalization. moving forward, i am certainly grateful that i have this job today, no matter how uncertain my future is here. as the news settles in, and as i see that less and less, the closing down of my product is not affecting my work flow, i am starting to get comfortable in my new reality and there may be stuff in the works that will provide for my long-term serenity and yes security.
i am in the process of trying to start a pissing battle, but decided to do an end-around on the product owner and see if i can get some details about the task at hand.
surrender seems to be the theme of the past few days, after letting an infected hangnail get real big and ugly, i finally utilized my health insurance and went to urgent care yesterday.
self-will: “i always heal well, this will resolve itself!”
reality: &38220;you have a staph infection, why did you try home surgery and wait so long? you need to be on antibiotics now!”
the examples of what i am holding on to and what i refused to surrender to the care and will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, could go on and on, the truth is, once i went to the doctor, once i talked to my recruiter, i can see that Plan B, was to surrender and let go. my attempt at control, well it has caused me a few restless nights, pain and suffering beyond what i needed to feel and the work situation? well it will be resolved with no input or control from me, i do have a Plan B for that as well.
anyhow, i need to make my call to my addict, get ready to work and move forward on this snowy thursday morning. be well all, i know when i surrender i will be.

∞ DT ∞