Blog entry for:

crash with the simple solution of daily maintenance of my recovery program, feels very doable to me. i am quite a creature of habit and i have certainly been habituated into daily practices that were given to me, from those who have walked this path before me. i am also quite certain that those habits, such as they are, are keeping me from spinning down into the depths of self-effacing, self-deprecating depression over my current job status. i have FAITH that if i keep applying myself, everything is going to work out, perhaps not as soon as i would like it to nor in the manner i desire, but things will work out. i REFUSE to cave in to the despair that may be lurking by changing i “won't” into i “can't,” as others that are in my life have seemed to do. that is one snare that i have seen in action and one that i am hyper-aware of, so i can avoid it.
coming back into the here and now, it is odd what bubbled up from the depths this morning. i really do not get why some on the right of the political spectrum are so upset about having their children cast a critical eye on whether or not this country was founded on racism that is endemic in our society today. quite honestly, even considering that idea, makes my uncomfortable and more than a little uneasy. HOWEVER, not considering an idea because it does not “fit” into my small worldview, is not what i am about today. i am open to opinions that are rational and do not align with mine, after all, that is the only way i can learn and grow. if i was not, i would have been a frequent flyer at the local sheriff's bed and breakfast, always believing i was entitled to get high and complaining about how they were always “picking on me.” this morning as i get ready to hit the streets, i am grateful that i opened my mind., just enough to consider that maybe i did not know enough about how to live and that there may be an alternative manner of walking through my days. just for today, i can consider points of view that are not comforting or conforming to what i believe and maybe, just maybe, find out something more about who i am and how i tick.

∞ DT ∞