Blog entry for:

many of my peers, in my local fellowship, may describe me as someone who is intimidating and constantly **negative.** my days of **caring** how they view me, are numbered, as i get rid of the garbage that has troubled me for what feels like forever. it is true that i prefer to share about what is not going the way i want it to, rather than the yippy-skippy part of my life, that is a result of living an active program of recovery. in my opinion, it is more valuable to my peers that i give them an accurate picture of who i am and where i happen to be going, rather than a travelogue about how positive things are in my life. those who share in that vein, do so for their own reasons and it not for me to chide them on their choices, unless they slip into the battle of the pronouns and start giving advice or shmear me into a stereotype of what they think addicts are all about. there are more than one of those sort in my local fellowship and one, once told me that they use “we” and “us” to be “inclusive” and that is how the literature has been written. when i told them about what i did or did not hear when they slipped into that mode, they were surprised as they never had considered the power of their language. i have, however, gone on about that far too many times, in far too may places.
moving on, when i look at my daily maintenance i do not find a whole lot of places that i could “step it up.” what i do see is that i have family members, peers and closed-mouthed friends that i can reach out to and “dump” my crap on and get the sort of feedback that allows me to let go and be okay with the stuff that infects my life with bouts of unpleasant incidents and consequences. it is true that it is the nasty bits that seem to get to me and the good parts of my life, i take for granted. it is also true, that life on life's terms has been taking me for quite a “joy ride” lately. i am grateful that i may consider what a little dab would do me, but choose to turn to the POWER that fuels my recovery, to get through another day clean.
as i figure out how to wrap this up and get ready for my home group, there are m ore than enough things in my life that are going the way i want them to go. in fact, that part outweighs the other stuff and as a result i have found the ways and means to reduce the chaos that life brings, down to a manageable level and accept that over which i have no power. my recovery program as frayed as it may be by the pandemic and the fractured political world, is still working and for this addict, that is something i can be joyful about.

∞ DT ∞