Blog entry for:

one of three disturbing realizations that our basic text explicitly states is: although i am not responsible for my disease, i am responsible for my recovery.
so what does that mean to me today in light of this morning‘s reading about daily maintenance and serenity? after pondering this question for a few minutes and thinking about some of the conversations i have had with addicts over the course of this weekend, i realize that there is more i can be doing to maintain my recovery. one of my good friends has list of five simple things that he feels are necessary to maintain his recovery which are:

1. go to meetings
2. pray every morning and night
3. work the steps
4. call and use your sponsor
5. and read our literature

to that simple list i could a few more items but that goes to the heart of what is going on today in my life.
i have finally figured out what i am missing in my daily maintenance and why i am currently finding less serenity than i find acceptable in my life. i am stalled at the beginning of my fourth step (#3) and i have not called or sat down with my sponsor in several weeks (#4). although i am not in any real danger of using today (THANK GOD), i am dealing with some unreasonable fears about the changes that are occurring in my life, namely the process of moving in with the woman i love. i am not currently contemplating a quick disappearance or anything as drastic as that, but the part of me i call my disease is dredging up some very unpleasant memories and feelings from my checkered past and the failures that i thought i had already accepted. the truth is, i have yet to deal with those failed enterprises in recovery and i am clueless how to proceed. i know i am not the same man i was thanks to the program of recovery i have given. and i also know that the relationship i have building over the past three years is not in any manner similar to the ones i participated in while i was in active addiction. and after spilling a bit of my guts to a close friend last night, i have decided that it is time for me to practice number four on the list above and give my sponsor a call. i do want to recover, i do want to move forward with my life and most of all i want to continue to become the man i always wanted to be. all of those outcomes are possible if i take the action i need to today. and just for today it is time for me to once again step up my daily maintenance program so i can do more than survive day in and day out. i want to THRIVE and move beyond my past and there is only way i know hoe to do that and that is to rededicate myself to those simple five tasks on a daily basis.
∞ DT ∞