Blog entry for:

helps me to understand who i want to be. so in case you did not notice, i have posted all of my vacation blogs, in one fell swoop. not that there was a whole lot going on, inside or outside of me, i just decided that for a change, i would blog while in Mexico and off the grid. today, reality is part of my life, and in between catching up with a week's worth of side jobs, i am writing this.
so yes, inventories are an important part of my recovery program, as well as sharing the contents of those inventories with my sponsor. the reading was about Steps Four and Five, but for mew, right here and right now, i feel as if it speaking about STEP Ten. as i try and multitask here, i am failing miserably at both of the tasks at hand. BRB
and here i am, the other task completed, correctly and with very little drama, after i let go and did just one thing at one time. using my inventory, daily or otherwise, to track how i am feeling about how i am behaving is a good thing for me. in fact the new questions that are popping into my heart as i sit here on STEP Nine, waiting to get with my sponse to move on to STEP Ten are certainly an indication of the direction that this addict is taking in his life. some of it comes from what is ticking me off in the behavior of others, most of it, however, is coming from a growing awareness, of what i am putting in the way of becoming the man i have always wanted to be. unfortunately, that is the the crux of the problem as it were, what is it that keeps me from being more than i was yesterday?
the pat answer, is my defects of character and the behaviors that they manifest in my shortcomings. each and every one of them, defect or shortcoming, is certainly a tried and true feeling, attitude or behavior, that i have grown quite accustomed to living in. as the painful realization, that they are not working as well as they once did, or wore, that i am less willing to deal with the consequences that that nasty group, creates, my inventory focuses tighter and tighter on what i need to have removed and how they will be removed, only through the grace and intercession of the POWER that fuels my recovery.
yes, sometimes it sucks being acutely aware of how i am doing. most of the time, it is a good thing, as there are times i feel like i am totally crazy. today,even though i have a sh!tload of work to do, i feel extremely well-adjusted and relaxed. vacations, i guess are good for that. it is however time to be on my way, as i have accomplished all that i set out to to do from home this morning. the only thing holding me back, is waiting for the dawg to arrive home from her vacation. it is a great day to be home, to be busy and most importantly to be clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞