Blog entry for:

following the suggestion of this morning‘s reading i may be able to get a glimpse of who i am today. little did i realize all those days ago that i was embarking on a journey of self-discovery where the destination is constantly moving. i did not know who i was when i started and through the process of a couple of 4th step inventories i got a good look at the person i was first when i got here and then after a couple of years clean. i am often tempted top go back to those first writings to see what has changed, and yes i have every word i have ever written since starting recovery. i resist that temptation because most of that is irrelevant to my current state. so knowing who i was is not a problem for me. it is the moving target of who i want to be that causes me problems. mostly it is because as i get more and more of the gifts of recovery, who i want to be changes. there was a time when all i wanted was to have a college degree and i have accomplished that. there was a time when i wanted to be a loving and present partner in a romantic relationship and i have become that too. and way back when there was a time when all i wanted to be is somewhat sane and not use, and that too has become a reality. the problem i am having with today‘s reading is that i do not really know who i want to be and as a result have trouble figuring out who i am. all i know today is that without a doubt i am an addict who wants to live this program today. and for me, right now that is more than enough!
∞ DT ∞