โ finding out who i want to be today โ
Posted: Thu, Mar 16, 2006 07:06:30 AM
well this is an interesting reading coming at this time in my life. after spending the past month changing just about every fucking thing in my life, i am once again supposed to be writing a fourth step inventory. and truthfully i am more than a bit confused about who i am, much less who the man i am in the process of becoming will be.
so here i sit pondering the vagaries of the metaphysical hall of terrors, wondering if the work i have accumulated over the past two weeks is a fluke or something i can rely on. wondering whether i can really make a life together with my girl friend. wondering when the fuck i am going to find the time to finish the projects that i am doing to be of service to the fellowship that has given me this new life. and actually wondering if all of this change is really worth it.
a bit confused and confusing n'est-ce pas?
so then comes this little ditty and smacks me right upside my head. -- if i want to sort through the confusion of my life, i need to look at who i have been through a thorough and searching moral inventory. DAMMIT that is exactly what carlos would tell me, the rat bastard addicts who wrote this must have called him and slipped this in under the radar, just for me, right here and right now. after all, it really is all about me!
so what am i to do? well for one i can blow the dust of the step working guide, decide which pen i am going to use and proceed with my step writing assignment. in fact, i can work that into the my new work day structure i am in the process of developing. and i can continue on working on getting my days and weeks set-up so i can enjoy being my own boss. life is after all nothing but changing from one state to another -- this transition is just another phase of that change and if i want a map to where it is going, the time to sort out where i have been is now. so off to the showers and another day at the races.
so here i sit pondering the vagaries of the metaphysical hall of terrors, wondering if the work i have accumulated over the past two weeks is a fluke or something i can rely on. wondering whether i can really make a life together with my girl friend. wondering when the fuck i am going to find the time to finish the projects that i am doing to be of service to the fellowship that has given me this new life. and actually wondering if all of this change is really worth it.
a bit confused and confusing n'est-ce pas?
so then comes this little ditty and smacks me right upside my head. -- if i want to sort through the confusion of my life, i need to look at who i have been through a thorough and searching moral inventory. DAMMIT that is exactly what carlos would tell me, the rat bastard addicts who wrote this must have called him and slipped this in under the radar, just for me, right here and right now. after all, it really is all about me!
so what am i to do? well for one i can blow the dust of the step working guide, decide which pen i am going to use and proceed with my step writing assignment. in fact, i can work that into the my new work day structure i am in the process of developing. and i can continue on working on getting my days and weeks set-up so i can enjoy being my own boss. life is after all nothing but changing from one state to another -- this transition is just another phase of that change and if i want a map to where it is going, the time to sort out where i have been is now. so off to the showers and another day at the races.
∞ DT ∞