โ when my individual contribution is combined with others, โ
Posted: Sat, Apr 12, 2014 08:45:50 AM
i become an essential part of a grand design. i am connected at last.
i have been accused of many things in my life. it has been intimated that i have been a part of many activities, across the course of my active addiction and even in recovery. i have never, ever been accused of being a member of law enforcement or part of undercover legal operation. because of some lying criminals, i have now been painted with that brush and i am ticked off. ironic is it not, that i take offense to being accused of being a cop. even more ironic, is the fact that the men we serve are angry about stuff being taken away from them and now they have our message removed as well, and through their own volition. it is what it is, and when i get to return to carrying our message to those men, i will have had enough time to cool off and allow my feelings to be processed. this morning i do not feel part of the whole, in fact this morning i feel like i am being singled out for nothing very good.
of course, there is my rising indignation, of how can those fVckers do this to me!? do they not know who the fVck i am!? what kind of punk ass, whiny little baby, does that kind of sh!t!? on and on, i can go way down that path but what good does it do, except to allow me to vent a bit of my frustration and anger over being thwarted from doing something that i thought was making a difference.
anyhow, i could go, what i will do is move on and into my Saturday. it is a great day to be clean and just for this minute, i can allow myself to feel apart from, process my feelings and allow the path to lead me back to a part of!
i have been accused of many things in my life. it has been intimated that i have been a part of many activities, across the course of my active addiction and even in recovery. i have never, ever been accused of being a member of law enforcement or part of undercover legal operation. because of some lying criminals, i have now been painted with that brush and i am ticked off. ironic is it not, that i take offense to being accused of being a cop. even more ironic, is the fact that the men we serve are angry about stuff being taken away from them and now they have our message removed as well, and through their own volition. it is what it is, and when i get to return to carrying our message to those men, i will have had enough time to cool off and allow my feelings to be processed. this morning i do not feel part of the whole, in fact this morning i feel like i am being singled out for nothing very good.
of course, there is my rising indignation, of how can those fVckers do this to me!? do they not know who the fVck i am!? what kind of punk ass, whiny little baby, does that kind of sh!t!? on and on, i can go way down that path but what good does it do, except to allow me to vent a bit of my frustration and anger over being thwarted from doing something that i thought was making a difference.
anyhow, i could go, what i will do is move on and into my Saturday. it is a great day to be clean and just for this minute, i can allow myself to feel apart from, process my feelings and allow the path to lead me back to a part of!
∞ DT ∞