โ a fleeting glimpse of the big picture and finding humility โ
Posted: Wed, Apr 12, 2006 07:45:37 AM
have you ever had one of those mornings where nothing, and i mean nothing is going according to your plan? well for the first two of my morning, that is how it has been. jumping up from bed and putting out a fire or three, seems to be becoming the pattern for my wednesday mornings. perhaps i will just sleep next wednesday away and see what happens.
so you may be wondering what all of this has about a fleeting glimpse of the big picture? well not much, except maybe that i have not got my glimpse today, or maybe that is the glimpse of the picture today,. that life is not as neat and predictable as i desire it to be. and what humility can i find? that i am not in charge of all the details of life in general or even specifically my life.
of course, that tiny realization is enough to make me want to crawl back into bed and sleep the rest of the day away DAMMIT! i want to have control and i want to be able to manage the details of my existence, whether that is a trait of being human or a trait of being a recovering addict really does not matter, what matters is that i recognize what is going on with me and learn to respond appropriately. and that response today is to accept what i have been given, do the best i can with that gift and be grateful that i have the chance to live another day clean. gratitude and acceptance is not what i want to practice this morning, but if i want to survive until i shower off yesterday, it is a necessity, after all this whole recovery gig is more than i ever imagined it would be and is worth doing right now.
so off to the showers and into the rest of my day!
so you may be wondering what all of this has about a fleeting glimpse of the big picture? well not much, except maybe that i have not got my glimpse today, or maybe that is the glimpse of the picture today,. that life is not as neat and predictable as i desire it to be. and what humility can i find? that i am not in charge of all the details of life in general or even specifically my life.
of course, that tiny realization is enough to make me want to crawl back into bed and sleep the rest of the day away DAMMIT! i want to have control and i want to be able to manage the details of my existence, whether that is a trait of being human or a trait of being a recovering addict really does not matter, what matters is that i recognize what is going on with me and learn to respond appropriately. and that response today is to accept what i have been given, do the best i can with that gift and be grateful that i have the chance to live another day clean. gratitude and acceptance is not what i want to practice this morning, but if i want to survive until i shower off yesterday, it is a necessity, after all this whole recovery gig is more than i ever imagined it would be and is worth doing right now.
so off to the showers and into the rest of my day!
∞ DT ∞