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of my own importance is an attitude that is diminishing as i stay clean and live a program of recovery.it is ironic that a year ago i was whining about current events and the terms those in the media spotlight use to deflect criticism and this morning i was headed down a similar path, this one being that once they are “found out” how they revert to the blame game to “duck and cover.” a very familiar set of behaviors for this addict and certainly part of my “big picture.” instead of going on about how politicians, corporate moguls, media stars and e=yes even my peers attempt to hide their overblown sense of importance and entitlement by disguising it with various forms of camouflage, spiritual or otherwise, i think i will leave it at that for one to ponder as i shift the focus on to myself. after all this is all about me and thanks for giving me the opportunity to express my opinions and take on things.
after dealing with the mundane stuff that came from the depths this morning, what i heard was all about assertiveness versus aggressiveness and self-confidence versus arrogance. i have certainly been capable of exercising all four of those states of being, sometimes within the span of a few short minutes. as such, i am certainly an expert on all of those, at least in how i apply them. i understand that my peers do not see myself the way i do, or the way i want them to see me. that is just a fact of life. as i consider my place in my family, my circle of loved ones, the fellowship that i am a member of, the country of which i am a natural born citizen of and the planet in which i live, i can see that my relative importance shrinks with each succeeding zoom out. affecting change becomes harder to do and certainly harder to detect in the overall scheme of things and i wonder, from time to time, what exactly the point. i see examples daily of others seemingly getting away with sh!t that should be called out and have some severe consequences for doing, walk away scot-free, just to do it again tomorrow. i want to emulate those folk, rather than accepting the constraints i impose upon myself, by virtue of living a program. a fact of life is that certainly can choose to step out of the boundaries i choose to live within and be a real sh!thead, blaming everyone and everything around me for doing so, i am well practiced at that. or i can accept that the choices i make today, mean that although i am the center of the universe, so is everyone else.
today, i see that the order i bring to my life, by exercising my power to make choices and live a program create a little bit more sane world. by not introducing the chaos of my demands and my self-will, the POWER that fuels my recovery gives me what i need to stay clean and thrive today. one of these days, i will be able to move on from my THIRD STEP because i will finally get over my need to quantify that POWER by being able to explain that whole package in words. i will be able to accept that what i feel is real and does not need to be explained. just for today, however i will walk forward and pay attention to where i can choose to diminish the chaos that living brings to this world and not worry about the overall effect of that choice.

∞ DT ∞